


Snowflakes

by padfootagain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 13:53:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: Sirius doesn’t like this new date of yours at all…





	Snowflakes

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of an event for tumblr. I hope you like it!  
> The prompts that were asked for Sirius are :  
> 17\. “I don’t want you to leave.”  
> 19\. “How could you think for just a second that I meant to hurt you?”  
> 22\. “I’m not letting you go this time.”

The snowflakes were falling slowly. Light pieces of frozen water that drifted slowly down from the sky, and upon his hair, coat, hands and shoes. The white layer that covered the world shushed the sounds of the afternoon, the sound of the footsteps of the strangers that passed around you made almost silent. The pale sun of January was bathing the world with a shy light, the cold enhanced by the cloudless sky. But Sirius didn’t really care about the snow falling upon him, nor the people walking near his motionless silhouette, nor anything that happened throughout the street of Hogsmeade. He was staring at you.

You were laughing with this Slytherin guy, your red and gold Gryffindor scarf covering your chin. He watched as your breath drew crazy forms into the frozen air. You were standing there, next to Mrs. Pudifoot’s teashop, laughing, your hands buried in your pocket in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. He bet you had forgotten your gloves. You always did, and he always ended up lending you his.

He clenched his jaw as he watched the Slytherin boy leaning closer to you to kiss your cheek. His hands automatically turned into fists as you didn’t push the boy away, blushing slightly instead, a little smile on your face. Sirius thought he was the only one who could bring this shy smile on your face, this smile that created butterflies in his stomach every time.

He leaned against the wall of the little house, still staring at you. You gave the Slytherin a quick nod, before he would walk away, a smirk plastered on his face. Sirius glared at him, but the boy didn’t seem to notice the Gryffindor’s nasty glance, and Sirius looked down at the ground. He knew he didn’t have the right to be jealous, he was the one who had stated that you and him were just friends with benefits. Nothing more. No one knew about what had been going on between the two of you for more than two months now. He was the one who had stated that there was no attachment involved in your relationship. You were obviously attracted to him, and he was attracted to you, but that was all. Sex, no love.

No love…

Who did he think he was fooling with that one?

He felt an intense stare upon him, and when he looked up again, you were looking at him. There was no point in trying to deny that you had spotted each other. After all, Sirius knew you were perfectly aware of the reason why he was standing before the teashop under the snow, freezing, his teeth chattering with the cold. And he knew why you had accepted to date this Slytherin guy. Or at least he hoped so.

He nodded towards an adjacent street, that seemed to be narrow and deserted, probably a dead-end street. You hesitated. You weren’t sure you wanted to follow him, perhaps you should go back to the Castle…

But Sirius didn’t wait for you, and he walked in the street, turning his back to you. You bitted your lower lip, at war with yourself.

After all, Sirius hadn’t spoken a word when he had learned about this date of yours. He had merely breathed a ‘I see’, and that was all. Five seconds later, he was back at snogging you. You wanted to believe that his kisses were more heated after your confession though, more passionate, more desperate, as if he had realized that things are never eternal. But you couldn’t know if it was just your heart making up the illusions of what you craved for, or if his kisses had really changed.

But you couldn’t resist him anyway. You had tried, Merlin knew you had. But you constantly failed and this time was no exception.

So you walked towards the street were Sirius had disappeared.

Indeed, it was a dead-end street, with nothing there but a door a few meters away, and the narrow passage was surrounded by two brick walls. There was snow everywhere, with just the traces of Sirius’s footsteps staining the perfectly white layer. Sirius turned towards you as you walked to him.

His expression was blank and unreadable, but his grey eyes were sad.

He handed you his pair of gloves.

“I bet you forgot them again,” he said softly.

You took his gloves, your hands already reddened by the cold.

“Thanks,” you smiled

He leaned against the brick wall, staring intensely at you. His grey eyes were focused and intense, you felt your knees weakening slightly.

“So… how was your date?” he asked, trying to sound casual, although his voice was slightly colder than usual, and you noticed it immediately.

“It went very well, thank you for asking,” you answered.

Sirius nodded slowly.

“He took you to have tea, right?” he asked.

“He did.”

“Not much fun. I mean… everyone does that.”

“It’s not because everyone does something that it’s bad. On the contrary, sometimes everybody does something precisely because it’s great.”

“Well… I’m not the one who would take you to this teashop that’s for sure.”

You kept staring at him, noticing that his jaw was clenched now. His last remark made your heart ache.

“I know that thank you,” you replied, your voice sounding more bitter than you wanted. “You only take me into cupboards and deserted classes.”

He flinched.

“That’s not true, though…” he breathed.

“What do you want anyway?” you interrupted him. “Because I’m freezing here, I’d rather go back to the Castle and take a nap.”

You regretted your decision, you shouldn’t have talked to Sirius. Because it was true that this boy you had dated this afternoon was kind and quite funny, but you had spent the entire date wishing it was Sirius sitting opposite you, drinking tea and eating biscuits. You knew he would have made you laugh more, he would have looked at you tenderly at moments and a second later his grey eyes would have changed and he would have looked at you like you were the most attractive girl in the world, he would have played with your hand and brushed your fingers with his… He would have made you much happier than this Slytherin had. And maybe it wasn’t fair, you didn’t know for sure but… you were angry against him for letting you go so easily.

“Can’t I just ask a friend about her date?” Sirius asked back.

“It’s a bit weird when you’ve been fucking that friend though…”

Sirius flinched again and this time he didn’t find back his composure.

“You know it’s not what we’ve been doing,” he breathed.

“Really? It looked like it. You remember? Sex but no love.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m tired, I’m going back to the Castle now.”

You turned around, trying to flee, to run away from him… but he held your hand before you could take a single step away from him. When he spoke again, his voice was hushed and full of pain.

“You win,” he said softly. “I learned my lesson. You made me jealous. I’ve realized everything you wanted me to realize so now… stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Acting like it’s nothing. Like we don’t mean anything.”

“You’re the one who stated that we were just friends with benefits.”

“I’m not the wisest guy in the school though.”

“You’re just trying to get me back.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing, yes,” he nodded.

You turned towards him, a sad smile on your face.

“We both know we don’t want the same thing, Sirius,” you breathed.

“I don’t agree at all,” he shook his head.

“You’re not ready to handle a relationship. A _real_ relationship. You’re not ready because you don’t know how to handle it, you’re afraid to depend on someone, you’re afraid to be hurt… I understand. And it’s okay if you’re not ready. But I want more than sex. I want someone who sees in me more than someone he can call if he’s bored.”

“That’s never been what I saw in you,” Sirius tried to defend himself.

“I don’t know if you were aware that you would hurt me. But you did.”

_“How could you think for just a second that I meant to hurt you?”_

You heaved a sigh.

“Look… I’ve agreed to go to another date with this Slytherin I saw today.”

Sirius instantly let go of your hand.

“You have?” he breathed.

“Yeah.”

“So… you like him then?”

You shrugged.

“At least he wants to be involved in a real relationship, and that’s more than what you will ever offer me.”

Sirius clenched his jaw again.

“What if I tell you that I was a fool when I said that our relationship was just about sex…” he breathed, his voice shaking slightly now.

“Sirius, don’t do that…”

“What if I tell you that I’m jealous and I don’t want you to see him again…”

“Sirius…”

“What if I tell you that you’re more to me than just a fling…”

“Why would you say all that?” you snapped, feeling tears blurring your vision now, and you brushed your sorrow away from your eyes before looking up at him again.

“Because I mean all that…” he said slowly. _“I don’t want you to leave.”_

But you shook your head.

“I’m stopping all this,” you said firmly despite your shaking voice. “It’s over… whatever was going on between us, it’s over.”

“Y/N…”

“No, I’m sick of this. I shouldn’t have accepted to do it in the first place. You’re one of my dearest friends, Sirius, but you just… can’t give me what I want. You’re too much lost for that.”

“Please, don’t do that…”

“I don’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well… you’re failing miserably.”

“Sirius…”

“I’ll act in a better way with you.”

“It’s not the problem, you’re treating me perfectly.”

“Then what’s wrong? What is wrong enough for you to refuse to give me another chance?”

“Because you don’t want a girlfriend,” you answered, a tear rolling down your cheek. “You don’t want to take a girl to drink tea, you don’t want to spend time with a girl, you don’t want to show the rest of the school that we’re together… You don’t want what I want. And it’s useless to fight when we’re sure to lose.”

“I don’t agree, that’s precisely when you need to fight the most.”

“I know you care about me because I’m your friend. But you don’t mean all these things you said. You don’t mean them, I know you don’t. You wouldn’t have let me date this guy if you did.”

Sirius was still staring at you, his lips slightly parted and made redder by the cold than they usually were. His expression was unreadable.

“You wouldn’t have refused to take me on a date like any normal guy,” you went on. “You wouldn’t have wanted to hide our relationship. You wouldn’t have acted at all the way you did.”

You shook your head, brushing a tear away from your cheek again and sniffing softly.

“I’m not mad at you. But we’re just friends from now on,” you said, and he could read in your eyes that you had taken your decision.

“So… that’s what you would have wanted me to do?” Sirius asked softly. “You would have wanted me to ask you for a date? You would have wanted the entire school to know about us?”

“Yes, Sirius. That’s exactly what I wanted, what I still want…”

You heaved a sigh again.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, before turning on your heels and walking out of the street.

He watched you as you walked down the main street, heading back to Hogwarts. He watched as your steps left regular patterns into the snow, the white snowflakes getting caught in your hair. He looked at your hands still covered with his gloves…

He reckoned it was time for him to stop ignoring his feelings for you.

——————————————————————————————————

You could feel his stare upon you. You used to sit next to him, but that night you went to sit next to Lily and Marlene, further down the Gryffindor table. You regretted to have come for dinner though, you couldn’t manage to eat anything. You had a nod in your stomach that brought you nausea, and your throat was still tightened after the hour you had spent crying in the dorm. You missed him already…

You threw a few glances towards him during your meal, noticing that his plate remained empty as well. He had been staring at you since you had entered the Great Hall, apparently oblivious of his friends next to him.

And you realized you couldn’t take any more of it, the tears were rising to your eyes again…

“I’ll go to bed, I’m knackered,” you told your friends.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked you for what seemed to be the hundredth time. “You want us to come with you?”

“I’m fine, Lils, don’t worry about me,” you reassured her, rising from your seat.

The second you were on your feet, Sirius was standing as well.

Shit…

You hurried down the Great Hall, aiming for the door, knowing you wouldn’t be able to avoid Sirius, even if you kept on hoping that you would.

You stepped together out of the Great Hall.

“Y/N,” he called as you hurried towards the stairs.

“I reckon we told each other everything that needed to be said,” you snapped, your tone more aggressive than you intended.

“Y/N, wait…”

He took your arm, forcing you to stop, and he pulled you closer to the wall so that the students who walked through the hall would not see the two you.

“Y/N, we need to talk,” Sirius told you.

“I don’t want us to talk,” you said.

Sirius struggled to swallow, trying to keep his breathing calm and regular while his heart was about to burst under his ribs. He had never felt so nervous. It was his last chance to get you back, and he knew it.

“I know I fucked up,” he said softly. “But…”

“There’s no use…”

“No, listen to me.”

There was such an urgency in his voice that you stopped trying to interrupt him.

“You mean a lot to me, Y/N,” he went on. “You know that, right? You mean everything to me.”

He let his words sink in for a moment, watching as your eyes grew wider and wider every second.

“It wasn’t just sex between us, it never was,” he said, his intense grey eyes fixed upon yours. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

He took a step closer to you, and you found yourself stuck between the cold stone wall and Sirius’s warm body.

_“I’m not letting you go this time,”_ he whispered, running a hand through your hair.

You knew you should have pushed him away. You had broken up with him, he wasn’t supposed to have this effect on you. But he did somehow, and you were like frozen, mesmerized by his infinite eyes.

“Would you go on a date with me?” he asked, his hand shaking in your hair.

But you shook yourself, freeing yourself from his magical eyes and you pushed him slightly away. He flinched, a flicker of fear shining in his eyes.

“And then what?” you said. “I don’t want to force you to take a step you’re not willing to take.”

“I want this to. I want you, Y/N…”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” you asked, clearly not convinced.

“Yes, I do,” he nodded, and you slowly started to change your mind about the whole thing.

Maybe he did mean it…

“You want to take me on a date?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll take me to have tea at Mrs. Pudifoot’s?”

“Whatever you want.”

“You’ll stop hiding that you’re with me? You’re not going to be ashamed of me, right?”

“How could I ever be ashamed of you?” he frowned hard.

“Will you stop hiding our relationship?” you asked again.

“You want me to make a public announcement?” he asked, and you knew he was serious.

“No… but I want to hold your hand in corridors, and I don’t want to hide to just give you a peck and…”

He took your hand and dragged you back to the Great Hall. You stood there, right before the doors, and everyone in the Hall turned towards the two of you. Your cheeks flushed fiercely.

“Sirius, what are you doing?” you asked him in a whisper.

“Proving you I’m not messing up with you,” he said.

Before you could speak again, he had crushed his lips to yours and was kissing you before the entire school.

Catcalls, and laughs rang throughout the hall, and you could feel some glares from the girls gathered in the room. But you didn’t care.

Sirius had deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close to him. He had never kissed you that way before, as if he was offering you his heart on a silver plate, as if he had broken all the layers of armour he had built to protect himself for you. It was your choice to break his heart or to take care of it.

When he finally broke away, both of you struggling to breathe normally again, he dived into your eyes, watching you with an expression full of worry.

But you nodded slowly.

“I think I can give you a chance then,” you said in a whisper so that he would be the only one to hear you.

He grinned, a bright, earnest grin like you had never seen on his face before, and he dropped another sweet kiss on your lips, his right hand slipping up your back to come resting on your neck, holding your face against his…

Until someone cleared loudly its throat.

You both looked towards the source of the noise, your lips still sealed.

McGonagall was looking at you with a gaze that was half amused, half menacing.

“I would advice both of you to walk out of the Great Hall before I give you both detentions for disturbing our meal,” McGonagall said menacingly.

Sirius finally pulled away, letting out one of his bark-like laugh.

“It’s okay, Professor,” he cried throughout the Hall. “She said yes, she’s my girl now.”

You blushed fiercely, but couldn’t help the smile that formed on our face at the sound of Sirius calling you _his_ girl.

“Mr. Black…” McGonagall warned him.

“Alright, alright,” he gave in, taking your hand again and guiding you outside the hall.

You followed him without second thoughts, trusting him blindly. You only realized you were on the grounds when you felt the soft snowflakes cooling your skin.

“Sirius…”

But he shushed you, placing one more kiss on your lips.

“I know just what you need,” he smiled, taking a step back.

“Oh, really?” you teased, although you were unable to hide your curiosity.

He nodded.

And before you could react he had bent down, gathered some snow in his hands and thrown it at your face.

You gasped at the sensation of the cold ice against you, but started to laugh.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Black,” you warned him.

“Oh, really?” he asked, copying your tone.

And when you walked inside the warm school again, both of you laughing madly, holding hands and dropping sweet kisses on each other’s lips, there was no one left in the Great Hall.


End file.
